They have everything.
They have money.
They have… blah, blah, blah. Something you don’t have.

Well, let me tell you a story.

I was that person—the one people looked at and said, “She has it all.” In early 2014, I became a single mum. I moved from the two-bedroom house I owned with my daughter’s father to a four-bedroom, three-bathroom house with entrance gates and almost an acre of garden. It sounds like I did well out of that separation, doesn’t it? Everyone online and in the local village certainly thought so.

“It’s alright for her,” they said.

Yet what they didn’t know was that the house had been abandoned for three years before I moved in. The owner offered it to me for a few hundred pounds a month in rent, just so I could move out of the house I shared with my ex and have somewhere safe for my daughter.

Yes, it sounded like a dream deal, but here’s the reality: I was £45k in debt. I lived on a single income, with nursery fees on top and the weight of it all was overwhelming.

My mum had to drive my daughter to nursery because I couldn’t afford the fuel. I cycled to work for the same reason.

My daughter? She had no idea I was struggling. Nursery provided her with hot lunches, dinners, snacks… everything she needed. If anything, I wished I could have gone to nursery too!

I did the responsible thing and called each person I owed money to. Thankfully, they understood. I didn’t bury my head in the sand; I faced them and made payment plans that might have taken 20 years to pay off, but it was something. It was taking positive action and not wallowing in my situation.

If you’d met me at that time, I’d have smiled at you. I’d have seemed happy to anyone who wasn’t me. I worked a corporate job, and I became known as the person who ate all the office cakes. You know, those days in the office when it’s someone’s birthday and there’s a huge cake or tray of cupcakes or extra chocolate biscuits. Well, I was that person—the one who ate everything yet was still skinny. But the truth was, I wasn’t eating at home. I simply didn’t have the money for food.

I didn’t go hungry, but I don’t remember cooking. I often went to my mum’s, just two doors down, and she’d cook for me if I asked. My parents were incredibly supportive, they helped with childcare, food, everything. But I was a grown woman, and I felt like a let-down. I was embarrassed by my situation, so I only asked for help when it was absolutely necessary. I wasn’t anywhere close to where I thought other mums were. I felt different.

They seemed to have it all together.
They never cried.
They had coffee mornings.

Their kids played while they chatted in the playground.

And there I was, just taking each day as it came. I had no idea at the time that a tech career was just over the horizon, but I do have my parents to thank for giving me the mindset to keep going.

I carried on for almost a year, surviving. I put one foot in front of the other, smiled, and did everything for my daughter. She was my reason for getting through it all.

But it was alright for me, they said.

In 2015, I met Kyle. By that point, I had survived on my own for just over a year. I didn’t need a man, but Kyle was nice. He worked in IT, and I would see him whenever I had issues with my PC at work. We got talking, started going on dates and before long, we were living together.

I was very upfront about my debts, and Kyle reassured me that we could make a plan, a plan together. That was new for me. I’d been fiercely independent for so long.

That’s also when I started learning about tech: domains, websites and SEO. I saw an opportunity to leave my full-time job, which I hated, and start building up the business Kyle had founded, Black Nova Designs, from home. Kyle was still working, but as time went on, my efforts started to reap rewards. The business was gradually washing its face, then making money.

By 2018, I had paid off all my debts! The debts I thought would take a lifetime to clear… I did it just by paying an extra £2, £5 or £20 here and there whenever I could, on top of the payment plans.

With my debt cleared, Kyle and I booked our wedding, and we even hired our first Black Nova Designs employee!

Tech wasn’t a career I’d dreamed of. It certainly wasn’t something I was destined to do, but it’s given me the chance to help people, and I love that. Nine years on from taking my first tentative steps in tech and you can ask me anything about domains, hosting or emails…and I can help.

If you feel like you’re doing something you never thought you would, that’s great. None of us know where life will take us and often, we can’t control it but there is something we can control: our attitude and mindset.

To the mums struggling right now: it gets better, so hang in there.

If you don’t feel like you’ve “made it” yet keep going.

It’s OK to be a work in progress.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will work out.

Aim to be average. You don’t have to be the best—all you need to do is get there.